What should I blog about

Have you ever done something and then wish you hadn't? My guess is that you're probably nodding right now and thinking ' yes and far too many times too'.

When I'm stuck for something to write I go on a little trawl of the interweb to search for what other people have blogged about or what they think are good topics to blog on. Unfortunately I came across a blog post ¹ about all the things that it's not good to blog about! Or maybe it's fortunate I don't know. Apparently I'm not supposed to give and hourly account of my day; blog about my pets; or my dislike of my future in-laws (I actually love them to bits so that's not a problem); complain about the lack of comments on my blog or apologise for being too busy to blog.

I'm probably guilty of at least 3 of those. I'll let you guess which 3 they are but you're you probably know already. Not that I know you're reading as you never comment (oops I've broken rule number 4 again!). Personally I don't really care. I mean my blog is for me primarily if I want to tell you what my goldfish has eaten today then I should be allowed to. If someone wants to read what I've posted and likes what I've written then fine and I'm glad they've liked reading it too but I'm not going to make my blog about what everyone else wants to hear otherwise it'll just bore me and If I'm bored then everyone else definitely will be. Of course that doesn't stop me being vain and  secretly wanting to be read.  Deep down everyone wants to be heard.

 

1. http://weblogtoolscollection.com/archives/2006/12/17/things-you-should-avoid-blogging-about/

Filling the voids

I finally got the details through for a job interview that was supposed to be happening next week. I was beginning to think that I had dreamed getting the phone call asking if I was still available.

I emailed the other day to check the progress on the information I was supposed to be getting and it was apparently been typed as I read and that I would get the letter, job description and application form in the post shortly.... but hang on a minute. I thought I'd already applied? Oh well I thought, they've left it an awfully long time to reply to my initial application (I applied way back in July) they might have been re-offering the job and were sending out application forms to new applicants as well as informing me of when my interview was.

Sadly today I discovered that was not the case. After all that work I put in writing a letter of application and sending it in with my CV I now have to go through the whole process again only I have to write the details in boxes! Not only that but I discovered that I'm going to be interviewed twice by these people (as if once wasn't torture enough). It's also got me worried because I apparently get told the results of my interview on the day as part of the interview process. I've only ever had one job offer and it was from someone I knew so it was more informal. I have no idea how to go about accepting a job. I'm shy and retiring and don't like being put on the spot.

I phoned my mum up for support and just ended up coming back feeling worse than when I'd rang. She had another moan at me about getting income support. I'm feeling a little isolated at the moment. It feels that everything I want to do boils down to having money. I want my own space where I can flit from room to room without feeling like I'm intruding and where I can sulk, laugh or cry if I want to and have a key so I can come and go as I please; I want to have something to do in the day other than looking for work (i.e. a job); I want to learn to drive and buy a car. Sadly it feels like none of this is going to happen soon if at all.

I tried to cheer myself up by blogging but I don't think it's working. I have this new gadget for windows live writer (the program I use to write this blog). It puts up handy pictures and articles as I type my blog so that you can add them in if they fit what you're talking about.

I found this cartoon in blog article on there and it's the only thing that's made me crack even the faintest of smiles today.

Follow me?

Secretly I think everyone wants to know they're liked by at least one person. They might try their hardest to hide it but we all crave that little bit of attention from something or someone. The knowledge that someone out there knows that they exist.

I for one have a secret urge to become an Internet celebrity. To be known across the ether. I'm not exactly sure what I'd like to be famous for, maybe I could be someone who is just famous for fame's sake a bit like Paris Hilton...Only I'd have more brain cells and not act like a complete arse thinking I was better than anyone else. I'd just be happy that people knew me and knew who I was.

When I was a child I used to dream of being famous, all those people following my every move. Now I've grown up a little I've realised that maybe being hounded by paparazzi 24/7 isn't what I want. I quite like the idea of being known for my writing. I've had a few poems published and I've always thought that maybe I could have my own book of poems published. All of mine and not just part of a huge anthology. Maybe I should make it a new year's resolution (well 3/4 of the way through the year really!).

I think maybe if I want to lead the quiet life while being famous then I could be known maybe just by online pseudonym. I could be the next Belle De Jour ¹. Maybe like her I'll be famous for my blog. I'd probably have to change my name though, pinkymooo sounds a bit lame don't ya' think?

Of course in order to be famous for blogging then people would actually have to read the thing. Deep down I reckon every blogger secretly hopes that they'll get a cult following. I know I do. It would be nice to think that it wasn't just my OH reading these posts! I got quite excited the other week when I spotted that Blogger (the site that hosts this blog) was introducing a new feature. It's a widget that you can add to your blog that lets readers add themselves either publicly or anonymously to a followers list for you blog. I've eagerly awaited it's activation². Well now they've finally let us use it. So I've added it to my blog in the vain hope that someone else out there is reading this and doesn't think this blog is carp (of course you can still add yourself as a follower even if you do!).

So if you're reading out there and you're liking what you're reading then why not tell me. I'll brighten up my day. Especially as I still have another 25 days left before I hit my 40 days of blogging target.

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1. I'd probably wouldn't write as well as her and I'd definitely not have the guts to be as XXX. I have the utmost admiration for what she's done though. It's given me an insight into the life of a profession that I've always been intrigued (in the sense of wondering why they do it and what goes on behind closed doors) by but would never want to join.

2. Why they couldn't activate it straight away I don't know. I guess they wanted to have us frothing at the mouth before they let us have it.

Two kinds of secret

“There are two kinds of secrets: Those we keep from others, and those we hide from ourselves”

-Frank Warren Postsecret.com

Everyone has secrets. Whether they're big or small, bad or good. We have them. Whether we're keeping them to spare feelings to spare our own feelings or others,trying to save our bacon or simply keeping something so it'll be a surprise. We all do it.

There's something profound in Frank's quote. It's not said aloud and I don't think it has to be but I get the sense that he is trying to say that the secrets that we keep that we daren't tell another soul let alone think about ourselves are the ones that may well do the most damage. The one's that you taunt yourself with when you can't sleep in the early hours of the morning, when you're feeling low and in anguish over them and you wish you could tell someone but you're afraid that they'll never understand the why, when or how.

It's amazing the power that other people's opinions have on us. Even those people who claim they don't care what people think. Deep down I think they do and they only say they don't to cover up that fact. Given the option to reveal things anonymously however can give people the courage to let go of the things that taunt them or they're just to shy to admit. I wonder how many people a year send anonymous valentines to their secret loves?

Frank has been giving people the opportunity of anonymous relief from their secrets for almost 5 years now. Secret bearers can mail him a postcard bearing their secret, Frank then lovingly scans these cards and posts them on his blog every Sunday for the rest of the web community to see. Whilst it might seem like an odd thing to do I can see why people would do it. The feeling of immense relief people must get from releasing their secrets knowing that they remain anonymous and the chances of it ever being recognised by people they know are so small.

There are secrets that I've read on the blog however that tug on my heart strings and I dearly wish that I could tell them that things will be alright or give them a hug. This is where the problem of being anonymous rears it's head. The anonymity gives you the guts to share and the relief but it doesn't give you the forgiveness or understanding that you wished for.

That's what's nice about this blog. I have anonymity and familiarity both at the same time. I'm anonymous to those who do not know I have this blog but familiar to those who I let in (hello honey ;) ). I've never been very good at expressing my feelings and sensitive thoughts out loud. I'm a bottler and take years to build up confidences with people. I've always been shy and found it hard to say what I'm really thinking and I ponder what I'll say when I do come out with something. I psyche myself up for hours before I have to make a phone call and if I can find any other way to communicate I will preferably if it involves a computer. There is something about writing in printed type which is therapeutic to me. I think it's because if I do something wrong then I can go back and undo it. Once something is said then it can't be undone. There are things I put down in words in this blog that I know I could never express out loud and knowing that I can write it here and someone else close to me will read is nerve-racking but also at the same time so peaceful.

The idea of postcard secrets does appeal to me. The thought of setting something free for the world to see without anyone ever knowing it was me makes my heart flutter but for now I think I'll stick to sharing them with you ;) .

A new era in blogging

Today marks a new era in my blogging.

I've had this blog since 2005 but I've hardly ever used it. I blame numerous distractions (a very attractive man for one!) and the fact that I never got into a routine. I've kept numerous private diaries and found it very therapeutic sharing my thoughts and feelings and I've come to the realisation recently  for several reasons (that I'll maybe share another time) that it does me a whole lot of good to do to get things of my shoulders that are troubling me. I'm hoping though that this this blog will be more than just me moaning.

To help me get into the groove of writing and enjoying this blog I gave it a major spruce up. It's got a whole new template that I'd love to say I made all my myself but I actually had a little help from the standard templates. I used it as the starting block and tweaked the colours created a background image and header in Photoshop and also fiddled with some of the other fixtures and fittings. I'm very pleased on the whole with the way that it looks and I hope everyone else is too.

I've also changed the name of the blog. The old one was so naff I'm ashamed to admit what it was. I've gone for a more punchier title which probably reflects my personality a whole lot better than the last one did. I'm a glass half empty kind of gal and "life is a lemon" just sums up my outlook sometimes. Despite that though I could probably say that though I mostly think my life sucks a lot of the time I try my best to make lemonade with it!

So I've got everything prepped now and I'm ready to blog to my heart's content. I've rather adventurously decided that for this to work I'm going to have to post on a whole lot more regularly. What is it they say 40 days to make a habit? Well sure why not then. I'm going to try to blog for 40 days straight in the hopes that I'll catch the blogging bug!

Hmmm does this count as blog post number 1?

Yes I know that it was already open but this is it's offical re-opening! This is the start of a new blogging era.