Still Blue

It's christmas eve, a time when everyone should be feeling merry and excited about what's in store for them the next day. Meanwhile I'm still bluer that ever.

I can smell the turkey that's been cooked a day early. At first it made me feel christmassy but then I remember it's not christmas yet and I won't wake up to the smell of fresh turkey tomorrow instead it will be cold. They've also bought tinned carrots. I don't want to appear snobbish or ungrateful it just doesn't feel like a real christmas dinner to me. Everything my family have is fresh. I won't get to see my family in person tomorrow either, only via webcam and I doubt they'll be missing me too much. Probably far too caught up in spoiling my sister rotten as always.

I can't get off my mind how much money i've not got left in my bank account and the feeling it'll take me a long time to recover if I ever do. Slowly i'm loosing all of my savings. I say mine but really it's just money i've been gifted by people. I'm somehow incapable of saving money. It just drains out of my account like it's a sieve. It's not that I don't try to stop it or that i'm frivelous with it, it's just that finances aren't my strong point. I've never been good at maths and this kind of thing scares the shit out of me.

OH and I are supposed to be looking for a new abode, something i'd dearly love but I just know that it will be my finances that put a spanner in the works. He has loads saved I don't even have a 3 digit sum to my name at the moment.