Today I've just felt so utterly depressed. I put it down to having had a really rough week with all my worries. I spoke to my parents last night about my current job hunting and they said how well I was doing and although I know they were probably right I just feel like I'm getting nowhere. I'm good enough to get an interview but no one wants to hire me. What is it about my physical appearance that puts them of me? What do I say or do that stops them wanting to hire me? I wish I knew.
I told them about not having much money and they told me I should sign on but not in a suggestive way more an aggressive way and my dad went on about how I owed it to the people who were supporting me. I've been feeling really guilty about that recently it set me back on rock bottom. Now all I can think about is what if I don't get a job? What if I'm always left depending on people. Talking in last night's blog about a baby feeling like a way out, it really does. I know it wouldn't be as I really wouldn't have any money as I'd probably have to give up the job hunt but at least there would be a purpose to my life. At the moment I feel like I'm living to find work.
I really wasn't feeling too good emotionally today I'm slowly recovering from the bubble I built around myself fantasizing about being a mum. I really wanted to talk to my mum about it but the way she and dad had a go at me about job seeker's I just didn't have the strength to broach the subject I just wanted a hug. Today I've tried in vain to distract myself from it with application forms but it's just not working and the thoughts of more forms tomorrow isn't helping. I just want a job so I can stop worrying about money and I have some variety in my day (I'll probably not be saying that if I get one though!)
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