Exterminate Exterminate!

Today I got up at the unearthly hour of 5.30. Rather too early for a Saturday morning if I do say so myself. I hopped on a coach with 2 diseased men (don't worry I did it of my own free will and they happened to be my OH and his mate¹) and headed for London. Our goal for today was to go and see the Dr Who exhibition at Earls Court before it closed down. We'd already had one near miss the weekend before and had had a reprieve (it was supposed to close on the 17th). We'd been told by friends that we'd LOVE it and we should definitely go and see it before it closed.

Our friends were spot on. I felt a bit like a kid in a candy shop cooing over all the models and costumes and even gave in to the temptation to impersonate a Dalek! They had a little Dalek with a microphone inside that kids could stick their heads in a Dalek and wiggle the plunger and egg whisk whilst shouting exterminate into the voice changer. I made it laugh manically like that deranged Dalek in this year's season finally whilst my other half made it order a Big Mac and fries. By far the funniest though was the bloke who swept his kids aside stuck his head in the Dalek and went "exterminate, exterminate!... Wow I'm talking like a Dalek... hehehe!" He was most definitely taking the opportunity to embrace his inner child. Sadly his children didn't see it that way and were giving him that look that all children with embarrassing parents do. The one that says dad will you stop being an a*se you're embarrassing us!

I also loved the fact that when we walked back to Earls Court Tube there was a real life police box waiting for us! I went all touristy then and we had to have a picture next to it!

The exhibition's on until 9th November so if you want to go then hurry up: Book now to avoid disappointment 

1.That's mate of the friend persuasion not lover before you go getting any funny ideas. Although I have given him the nickname of "gym life-partner" given that they have joint membership (it was cheaper so why not?!)

Yargh the force be unleashed

As I blog my OH is sitting next to me playing happily on his new game for Playstation 3. He's spent the last week playing the demo of Stars Wars: The force Unleashed and pining for the full version. Luckily it was his birthday the other day so one of this mates (with a little help and hinting from me) reserved him a copy and gave him a gift voucher towards it.

I have to say it is rather a good game and reviews online were pretty good from the looks of it too. Although my OH now seems to have developed a like for picking people up by their throats and throwing them off the tops of buildings (that's the last time I leave him alone with Mr Vader while I make us a drink!).

Elsewhere in the world this mortal has been coming back up from a pretty depressing low. I won't bore you with the details suffice to say if you read yesterday's blog then you'll know why. One thing that has cheered me up though was spotting on my Zemanta feed that it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day and the people over at facebook have very kindly made facebook ever so piratey!

True love

I saw this post secret the other day and it made me smile and I completely agree. Of all the people I've known in my life It's been (dare I say it) the slightly geekier ones that have been the most caring and sharing. I think it was because they were never in the 'it' crowd and they didn't have a pretence of being cool and popular to keep. They were just genuine. I'm not sure I really like the label geek. I was always branded as a geek in school because I had glasses but I never considered myself one. Secretly I think I wished to be cool but now I've grown up I've realised I'd rather be unique and be me.

My OH is a Star Wars fan and if you've read my blog you'll know he got me to watch it recently and I'm totally converted. I can wholeheartedly agree with that postcard. My OH is my one true love. My first love. He is the kindest most sensitive person I know. He loves me even when I don't love myself and accepts me for just being me. He is perfect.

Seeing past the obstacles

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.  The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

- Winston Churchill

I've always considered myself to be a pessimist, a glass half empty kind of girl. After all if you think you're going to fail and you don't then you have a pleasant surprise. Hope to much that you'll succeed and the plunge to failure feels a lot further. But reading that quote has made me think. I've overcome many obstacles in my life to get where I am today and I'm sure that I'll hurdle a few more before my innings are up. The thing that struck me though is that though I complain and wonder if I'll ever get there or that I'll fail I never give up. It was a quality that probably did me a little too much harm to me than I should have let it when I was stressed and depressed. It brought me to cracking point and I only stopped when my body physically wouldn't let me keep going.

Whilst getting over my depression and stress is the most traumatic and probably the hardest of my obstacles I've tackled (and I'm still tackling) the longest obstacle I've had to face is without doubt my problems with maths. I sat through a lecture last year about learning difficulties and maths and was dumbstruck at the length of time it has taken those who work in the education sector to work out that people can have genuine difficulties with maths and don't just need to "try harder"¹. She commented on how it wasn't acceptable for people to admit they were bad at English or couldn't read, that nowadays people could have all sorts of tests and help to make sure that they did fall victim to dyslexia and illiteracy but it society thinks that it's absolutely fine for you to admit that you're not any good with numbers. She was of course making the point that it wasn't O.K. for people to be allowed to accept this and allowing them to was allowing our children to slip through the net and I quite agree.

I've had hundreds of people tell me that they're not any good at maths and I'm sure that a fair few of them were probably reasonably O.K. and that they just lacked confidence but I never doubted their sincerity. To me not being good at maths seemed like a fact of life. It's not simply a lack of confidence with me. I genuinely cannot grasp the concepts of math. I cannot even add simple numbers together like 7+3 and come up with an answer off the top of my head. I have to count on. Times Tables are a complete puzzle to me. I tried my best to learn them by rote but nothing stuck. I can do my 1, 5 and 10 times and that's what gets me by in life. And it's not just numbers. I struggle to read analogue clocks; I can't divide cake into equal slices; I don't know my left from my right half the time (driving lessons are fun!); map reading is lost on me as my sense of direction is pants (I get lost simply by walking inside a shop and coming out again); I struggle to read bus and train timetables.

It wasn't until a few years ago, once I'd persevered through primary school, secondary school, 6th form and 2 years of a university degree that I discovered that my difficulties had a name. I could be dyscalculic. In basic terms dyscalculia is the maths equivalent of being dyslexic. I've never been tested and I doubt I ever will be². Part of me would love to be tested simply so I had a piece of paper which I could flaunt in front of the eyes of all those people who told me to try harder and didn't believe that I wasn't any good at maths but at the same time I'm happy just to know in my heart of hearts that it wasn't all my fault that I was bad at maths it was just that my brain isn't mapped out that way and to be thankful that I have all these things that I can do and do so much better than those maths geeks I know who taunted me in school.

I've since joined a wonderful forum of like-minded people that have proved to me that no matter what obstacles life throws at you, you can overcome them if you choose to.

If you're reading this and thinking OMG that sounds like me then I suggest you try googling dyscalculia and see if it fits what you experience and if you want to join a forum I can highly recommend the dyscalculia forum they have members from all over the world and they can help you find information about help in your area.

1. I get so angry when people say I should just try harder. Sometimes no matter how hard you try things are impossible.
2. In the U.K. testing for learning difficulties normally takes place when a person is studying and as I am no longer in the education system I do not have that option

Money, Money, Money

As I write this my incredibly sexy other half is serenading me with the hits of ABBA. He's entertaining himself while he works. There have been points where I wondered if he'd injured himself and I should go to his aid but on the whole it's quite tuneful!

Still at least he's earning his crust. I wish I was. I've been looking on facebook a lot this week which is probably a bad idea not only because it's an incredibly good distraction but also because it's back to school week. Nice for all those mums and dads out their who've finally got shot of their kids till October half term however not so nice for me. It's good for job prospects I mean I can't get a job as a teaching assistant if the school's aren't open but not so good for self-esteem. If I'd not gotten stressed and failed my placement and some because of it then I'd have graduated from my PGCE course this July and I may well have had a job by now. Instead I have to read all of my friends statuses and wall posts saying how they're tired but having fun. I can't but give a deep sigh and wonder what life would be like if I had been able to carry on.

But I didn't. In a way I feel more free but trapped at the same time. It's an odd feeling. I'm glad that I stopped when I did because I know that I was heading for self destruct but now I put the teaching on pause I'm not quite sure what I want to do. It's been such a big part of my life that it's hard to think of other things to fill the space with. I feels a bit like having been in a car accident and having to learn to walk again. You wonder if you'll be able to walk or to drive again or if you want to or whether you'll have to find another way to get about but you're not sure whether you can cycle or use the bus because you've never tried and it's been a long time since you rode a bicycle.

I wanted to try and do something with my ICT skills. I'm quite creative and my computer is like a 5th limb to me but all the jobs I seem to find want me to have experience or qualifications and I haven't done any formal exams relating to ICT since I was at school. I don't really want to retrain. I've spent 3 years doing a degree I want some life experience now. If anyone's got any smart ideas I'd love to hear them.

Having one Hellboy of a weekend

Today I've been a little lazy. I spent most of the day in my PJ's either sending up the Z's or snuggled up with the one I love getting an education in using the force...yes I've been sucked in to the phenomenon that is Star Wars. My OH took me to see the new Clone Wars film the other week and thoroughly confused me because I'd only ever seen episode 4 (what was originally the first film in the trilogy before Mr Lucas made the prequels). We spent the whole journey home plus another 20 mins on the drive with him trying to explain to me who it was I'd seen in the film. I thought it was Luke Skywalker but apparently it was his dad and now he's bad. I was more confused having watched the film and had it explained to me than before I'd watched it! Consequently I made him play the films in chronological order of the storyline. So prequels and then the trilogy. We've just finished watching the 4th one which makes so much more sense now I've watched the prequels and I've banned my OH from telling me how any of the characters are related!

In fact I think I might have become a little bit addicted to them. But shhh don't tell my OH ;)

With our tastebuds wetted from our half marathon of the Wars we went out to meet OH's mates and went and saw Hellboy 2 at the cinema preceded by a very tasty KFC. I can't say I enjoyed it as much as I did the first film. I think it was one of those sequels that didn't really need to be written. A bit like The Mummy 3. That was a complete waste of film reel. For starts they'd replaced Rachel Weiss in the role of Evie (big mistake. If they couldn't get her then they shouldn't have bothered to make the film. Her and Brendan had on screen chemistry). Hellboy didn't really need a number 2. The first one pretty much told the story. Devil boy fights evil and saves the one he loves. It sort of came to a conclusion.

Hmmmm I wonder what other sequels should never have been made?