Money, Money, Money

As I write this my incredibly sexy other half is serenading me with the hits of ABBA. He's entertaining himself while he works. There have been points where I wondered if he'd injured himself and I should go to his aid but on the whole it's quite tuneful!

Still at least he's earning his crust. I wish I was. I've been looking on facebook a lot this week which is probably a bad idea not only because it's an incredibly good distraction but also because it's back to school week. Nice for all those mums and dads out their who've finally got shot of their kids till October half term however not so nice for me. It's good for job prospects I mean I can't get a job as a teaching assistant if the school's aren't open but not so good for self-esteem. If I'd not gotten stressed and failed my placement and some because of it then I'd have graduated from my PGCE course this July and I may well have had a job by now. Instead I have to read all of my friends statuses and wall posts saying how they're tired but having fun. I can't but give a deep sigh and wonder what life would be like if I had been able to carry on.

But I didn't. In a way I feel more free but trapped at the same time. It's an odd feeling. I'm glad that I stopped when I did because I know that I was heading for self destruct but now I put the teaching on pause I'm not quite sure what I want to do. It's been such a big part of my life that it's hard to think of other things to fill the space with. I feels a bit like having been in a car accident and having to learn to walk again. You wonder if you'll be able to walk or to drive again or if you want to or whether you'll have to find another way to get about but you're not sure whether you can cycle or use the bus because you've never tried and it's been a long time since you rode a bicycle.

I wanted to try and do something with my ICT skills. I'm quite creative and my computer is like a 5th limb to me but all the jobs I seem to find want me to have experience or qualifications and I haven't done any formal exams relating to ICT since I was at school. I don't really want to retrain. I've spent 3 years doing a degree I want some life experience now. If anyone's got any smart ideas I'd love to hear them.